It’s also a completely meaningless term, as there’s no regulation in the U.S. that determines what can be called sushi-grade. When it comes to beef, the USDA is all over that shit. We got “Prime,” “Choice,” “Select,” and “Standard” — the “miscellaneous quadruped” of meat. Same deal goes with pork and poultry … but not for the chicken of the sea. Or the anything of the sea.
Any fish can be “sushi-grade.” All it takes is someone with a sharp knife and no oven. Maybe the chef really did pick only the finest fish the market had that day, or maybe the grocery store is reasonably sure that the fish is fresh enough that eating it raw won’t give you parasites. Have fun gambling on that!
Multigrain Bread Is Nothing But Fancy White Bread
Wheat bread is healthier than white bread, we all know that. And we’ve told you before how unscrupulous businesses will dye their white bread brown to fool you. But what about multigrain bread? Surely it’s healthy too, right? It has “grain” right there in the name. “Multi” of them! All those grains must be good for you. Otherwise, why would they bother?
Jongleur100/Wiki Commons “High-quality fiber, high-quality poops. That’s our company promise.”
Well, it’s a great marketing term, and … oh, that’s it.
Literally all “multigrain” means is that the bread contains multiple grains, not that any of those grains are necessarily good or healthy. After all, both whole wheat and white bread start out as grain; it’s just that whole wheat has fiber and other healthy properties. Multigrain bread could be decently healthy, or it could be (and probably is) a Frankenstein amalgamation of different processed grains, all of which have no more nutritional value than the slice of cake we call white bread. Those grains sprinkled on top of your loaf make it look nice, but they’re basically disappointing sprinkles.
This phenomenon is not confined to the bread aisle. For example, a few years ago, Pringles rolled out a line of “healthy” multigrain chips. Their marketing director said they were targeting people 35 and up, who were more interested in counting calories than their younger counterparts. Right after he made his claims to The New York Times, the paper followed up by noting that multigrain Pringles “have about the same amount of sodium and calories as regular Pringles.” “Multigrain” is an industry code word for “edible mulch.”
Nathan Kamal lives in Oregon and writes there. He co-founded Asymmetry Fiction for all your fiction needs. Did you like this article? Do you want to like Mike Bedard even more? Go ahead and follow him on Twitter, then. Hungry for additional mind-blowing content? See Markos’ Twitter. When E.M. Caris is not writing for Cracked, you can read his food writing over at the spice subscription service allyoucanspice.com. Greg Tuff is hoping to get on the new season of Big Brother Canada, because things are going great … Talk him out of it on Twitter.
Food is food, but it should still be eaten out of a quality lunchbox from Herschel.
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